A Journey of Many Choices
About this time last year, while I was in Cambodia I was already seeking the next step. Return to my old job in the UK? I had a couple of things that God said, one was to study His word and in a year from now I’ll know. I thought in a year I’ll know because I’ll be doing it… and study? What kind of study… lessons or to study his word more seriously on my own? After praying a lot I felt it was right to leave my current job, but after doing so I had a mini freak out. However God comforted me and reassured me that it was the right thing to do. It seriously was a huge deal to me, leaving a lovely team and a quite rewarding job. Nevertheless things seem to look more golden when you are not in the mist of it. Pushing doors and feeling as though I needed some type of security while in Cambodia I applied for another nursing job back in the UK but more of a safeguarding role. They called me for interview but it was the day before I left Cambodia and I was unable to re-arrange the interview. Once I arrived home I had a seriously busy month or two, but after taking time to rest and reflect and breath! I kept asking the same question… “so what’s next?” many people asked me “when are you returning to Cambodia?” or “what are you doing now?” All I knew was that I wasn’t retuning to Cambodia yet and my reply to the latter question was “I’m talking to you!” because that is all I knew, I was living each day as it came. I really don’t think in my time of waiting that any of it was wasted. I also felt as though God would honour my next step. I pushed many doors. I applied to work in safe houses in the UK. In the mean time I joined a nursing agency as I needed to get some pennies in. I thank God because I have got regular work through them. With lots of ‘nos’ coming back my way I took a break from seeking what was next. I asked God “if your going to honour my next step then why is every door shutting?” So I looked to what He told me in Cambodia and thought, study His word. So I applied to a Missions college (All Nations), looking around I couldn’t stop crying. It felt so peaceful and the place was so full of God’s presence. (I felt rather a foolish not being able to stop crying). I believe in the brief moment while I was looking around All Nations, God was healing me and confirming to me the call He has put on my life. I had such amazing talk with some of the tutors. I applied and was excepted in. While I was applying to All Nations I started a Beth Moore study on Daniel and learned so much from it. The doors also started to swing open, my old job offered me some maternity cover, which was so hard to turn down. A shelter I had applied to asked me to apply again. With every door that opened I just started to laugh. I love Gods sense of humor and His timing (well maybe I don’t ‘love’ His timing, He does seem to leave things to the last minute but it sure is perfect)! I also had a decision to make about which entry level I wanted to go into at All Nations. I believe God left it for me to choose. The decision of entry level was tougher than it should have been. Praying and seeking I met up with my uncle and we opened the book Operation World and looked up Cambodia. To our amusement it was supposed to be prayed for that day. Trying not to read to much into it but thanking Him for the confirmation that going to Cambodia was right. It was something I decided to put on the shelf for later. On one of my night shifts I was chatting to God and said. “God you need to tell me what I am to do, people will soon be waiting to hear my decision.” I heard God clearly, He replied “what do you want?” getting quite emotional I replied “To please you, that’s all I want.” any offer could be right. The conversation stopped there, but I didn’t feel that the conversation was over. When I returned home from my night shift, I checked my emails before heading to bed and I had received an email from Daughters of Cambodia asking if I was interested in returning. Again I laughed, it was a slightly different laugh though, more at the confirmation that this is the choice that God would be pleased with me to take. Therefore I am returning to Daughters of Cambodia in January 2016 as the day care manager. I didn’t see myself returning quite so quickly. I can clearly see that God gave me lots of options to show my true feelings. Even though I was acceptant of the other choices, none of them stirred me up or excited me as much as going back to Cambodia. During my time of applying to All Nations I wrote about how God called me to become a missionary from an extremely early age and I think it really helped me to realise that God has confirmed this calling in my life time and again. Even though I knew that I was called to go… it wasn’t a topic I was comfortable in sharing publicly mostly because I didn’t know when or where. Maybe you could say I became a little scared of it becoming reality rather than a dream. As I grew older the thought of living a life of faith made me feel as though people would see me as “strange” or that in some way I needed to change who I was because I didn’t fit the “norm” for a missionary. God told me before I left for Cambodia in 2014 to be myself, that small statement got me through a lot. I was surrounded by so many great godly people I felt a little inferior, but laying my insecurities aside he still used me and I know that He isn’t finished with me yet. I’m excited about returning to Cambodia (for at least 1 year), it is also a bonus that I will also know what to expect. I am still preparing myself a lot, I know the road ahead will lead in many tough battles. Therefore I’d appreciate prayers and support along the way, it truly means so much and please never forget how powerful prayers are.