A few days before I left my internship last year, I told my hosts I had a bachelor thesis to write in order to finish my degree (because I studied business, it could be a business plan instead of a thesis), and I’d be happy to write a business plan for them, if they had something in mind. So they said they’d like to have a business plan for their ministry and would be happy to have me write it. So I kept in touch with my hosts throughout the whole year, and some other staff that work at the ministry.
As I continued with my university degree it took me a good amount of time to start enjoying my course. Business management wasn’t my first option and my first year and a half was hard because I didn’t like the course and wished I could be doing something else. God did a deep work in me to turn my attitude around, and gratitude and enthusiasm about my course started growing in me in my 3rd year only. By then, I knew I’d have to do a long final project, so since that year I started to ask God to give me some interesting topic to write on. The Lord totally answered my prayers and from the first word to the last of a 60-page plan, I was thrilled and loved writing it. A couple of times my internship hosts wrote me saying my work was a reminder of God’s love and provision. So good!
In November, my internship hosts from 2014 wrote me saying they were opening a position for business development in January 2015 and they asked me if I’d be willing to go back. My heart shouted a loud “yes” haha. I felt the Lord confirming that in my heart – it was so clearly right. I had an interview via skype with the HR person and it was a really good conversation, she just kept saying “the position fits you well” all the time. So what happened next was really unexpected. They wrote me saying they were taking some critical decisions they needed more time before the position was available. So I continued waiting.
My “waiting season” lasted for almost three months. It wasn’t easy to wait at all! I think it was the first time that I was really confident the Lord was opening a door but then circumstances drastically changed and the Lord seemed so quiet… what was happening? Had I done something wrong and the Lord was closing the door? So many times I felt weak in my faith… wishing I could love Jesus better and believe he was leading me, even if the lights were off! I had told a few people that I was going… and then had to tell them that I wasn’t sure anymore… Should I be doing something else? Everyday I’d wake up and check my emails to see if there was any message but nothing… my parents encouraged me to stop waiting for an answer and simply assume there was nothing for me there.
A couple of weeks before I had first heard of the position – I had a vision of Jesus taking me by the hand and leading me somewhere. Everything around us seemed blurred, but I could clearly see him leading me. Then a week later I had this other vision with a similar message. We were face to face, he was holding my hands, and we were soaring. I had nothing beneath my feet nor anything around to hold – just his hands. When I got the email offering the job, I thought “o cool, God was preparing something for me and he’s leading me!”. But now things seemed to be going wrong… I remember one day, when I wasn’t feeling really well, my boyfriend was praying for me and he said, “Lord, help her to believe you’re still leading her”. And he answered that prayer, too.
I learned not to be anxious or worried, but to bring every single thought before the Lord in prayer. When I was feeling weak, I’d just ask him for faith, that the answer would come in good time, whenever he felt I was ready for it. I asked him to equip me for whatever he had in store… whether in South East Asia* or not. I asked him for a faithful heart that would be willing to serve him wherever he wanted me to be, even if not in my dream job position.
Then just a couple of weeks I go I received the email – I could have the job. I’m so grateful and excited! I can see now that the Lord answered my prayers and strengthened me so much. I’m so confident that he has a great year ahead. There will be so much to learn, but I’ve just confirmed once again that he’s trustworthy. Unpredictable, but trustworthy. Such a privilege to have my faith tested and increased, to see his power made perfect in my weakness… Such an honour to accept a job that was hand-picked for me. So good to be reminded that He’s the one who inspires love and trust in me… and when I ask him to help me to love him more and better, he’s generous in his gifts. :)
Please be praying for me :)
Mariana – Sao Paulo Brazil
*Location in SEA not specified for privacy reasons